live and learn

​Yay! My most favorite thing to write about... *cough*. Actually I do enjoy telling my story and inevitably part of my story is my dear fiance, Jeffrey! But honestly who actually needs another blog post on relationships, haha.
I love, love, LOVE learning from other Christians that are real and down to earth, so I shall try to make this as personable as possible and not bore you all to death! I won’t go through how we met because that is all written out in ‘Once Upon a Time’, but I will be writing out a few things I have learned or noticed while dating and, now, being engaged!
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​Number Uno: Don’t assume, communicate. Gosh if people could even just do this all the time in life then it would avoid a lot of trouble! I wouldn’t say that Jeffrey and I have a real long distance relationship but we sorta have classed ourselves as that couple. We always have lived 45 minutes away from each other, we both work and we both have friends and families that need our commitment as well, consequently, when it comes to communicating with each other, majority of the time, we don’t get to do it face to face. We always try to not let miscommunication get in between us but it’s no surprise that it has and does happen. Even with being engaged we don’t know what each of us is doing every minute of every day which leaves lots of room for hurt especially for someone like me who values trust and honesty as key components of any relationship, not being told where he was one evening sometimes ends up with me feeling jipped somehow. It’s important to realize that, if in a committed relationship, they do love you and trust is the best thing. Assumptions rarely ever are good, and almost always end up with someone feeling hurt. Don’t think I’m a perfect saint! I hate confrontation but I hate assumptions more… so if you really love them communicate with them and trust them. Jeffrey and I could count on one hand how many times we’ve had arguments/miscommunications in person, face to face, that said though the amount of arguments/miscommunications we’ve had over text is actually shameful. When you can’t hear the tone of voice used things tend to get messy fast. Texting seems the best place for miscommunications. My last word on this is; Don’t ever fight something out over text message! Meet for coffee somewhere if at all possible or at least phone them but texting is the worst place to fight or talk about big things. Talk in person and trust.

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Number Two: Prioritize. When Jeffrey and I first started dating we actually wondered if having a date once a week was too much! We didn’t want to let our relationship take priority over all our other relationships. But I know it definitely hasn’t always been the case. When you begin to make someone your whole life, giving them the first priority over everyone else it starts to injure other relationships. A wise woman told me at the beginning of Jeffrey and my dating relationship this story (in my own words):

• I once had a friend who dated a lot of different guys. When she would start dating a guy she basically fell off the radar. She didn’t hang out with us, her friends, she always was with the boyfriend. But then mr. boyfriend would break up with her. In tears, she would come back to us and seek comfort… two weeks later though another boyfriend would come along and off she went. A very tiring cycle.

I never wanted to be that person. Jeffrey understands that I have sisters and friends that I desire to make time for, especially now that I will be spending the rest of my earthly life with him, I must build into relationships that I have with my friends and family! Ultimately, when we start letting our gaze stray from the real prize in life, Jesus, then every relationship in our lives will suffer! (You knew I’d get that in! *wink wink*) I’ve mentioned this a few times in other posts I believe but it is worth repeating. The order that I try to keep straight is Jesus first, Family, friends and then Jeffrey. Oh my heart yearns sometimes to just be with Jeffrey and forget about everyone else, I’m fairly certain most people in relationships feel that way, but in no way is that healthy. Learn what works for you but be sensitive to the people that love you. Never let your love for another person cause you to forget your love for others and the Lord.

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Number Trois: Physical Contact. Oh boy, not physical contact. :[ I’ll keep this one short, I thought that number two led into this subject quite nicely though. This was learned by trial and error for Jeffrey and I. It is very important to realize how people feel around you in the way that you conduct yourself. Everyone has to be convicted themselves on this subject, although, when it comes to public behavior I do think there are general rules of propriety such as: Don’t make people feel unnecessarily uncomfortable. I have taken the liberty of asking friends if they do feel uncomfortable or unwelcome around Jeffrey and I, and either they are very good liars or they are telling the truth when most say they don’t. One dear friend was honest with me and told me she did; from that we tried to correct how we had acted and set boundaries accordingly. Is your priority gazing into your boyfriend's eyes lovingly while stroking his arm or talking to the person in front of you? The more physical you get the harder it is to stick to the boundaries that you’ve set.
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That is all for now! I really hope this in some way either opened your eyes or reaffirmed some things in your heart. No one is perfect but the more we seek Jesus the more we become like Him! Make that your goal in life!

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