I came across this song recently and was inspired to a write while I listened to it. Grief is something I connect with but also enjoy trying to explain. Grief rips into your very soul, it has almost the same effect as love. I’m no poet, I don’t know any of the rules of writing such beauty. What comes to me is what I write. SO I dive into the memories of grief and take you along on the journey.
The wave as many describe it
The over powering wave
Sometimes you see it
Sometimes you are caught off guard
Crashing around you
Sweeping you unwillingly along
You never asked for the ride
It came and it took over
That wave is grief.
You didn’t ask for it
Sometimes you push against it with futile attempts
To stop the emotions that it drags with it
It can seem like a burden.
It can feel like relief.
Everyone tumbles around in the wave differently
Trying to find a footing
It rips your heart to pieces
Grabbing at normal
Grasping for light
In your blinded turbulent state you fail to see
All along in pain
You were held
It all took place in the palms of two strong hands
He never left
He cried with you
He cried first
You didn’t leave His sight
His heart broke with yours
You didn’t leave His sight
He held you close all along
In the midst of turmoil
You reach for rescue
He carries you on
You trust Him
In your Fathers capable arms
I’m going to do it! I’m going to go there! Babies. Now you will be reading to the end to see if Jeffrey and Regan are having a baby.
A little while ago if you follow me on instagram then you might have seen a story I did about the ‘next question’, “When are you planning on having kids?!”. I can’t even walk through a baby section in our local Walmart without someone I know probably seeing me and thinking I’m baby prepping. Ok so I am raising the plight of the newly wed woman!
Baby subject #uno: When someone asks you when you are planning on having kids sigh, you smile and say within such and such time. I had neeever thought about that being an inappropriate question till my one aunt apologized for asking it. Then the little light bulb went off in my head, not everyone can have kids! I have a few women in my life that desperately wanted kids and never had any biological children. It hurts! It is how a woman is created to want to nurture and raise their own little baby. So in that light it can be a very wrong question to be asking or subject to be joking about. I understand that it is the flow-of-life-topics type of question, but I would strongly advise avoiding asking it because of the aforementioned reason in particular.
Baby subject #two: I, along with many young married women, are teased about being pregnant! I actually can’t believe it. “Why is Regan sitting down?” “Oh she’s pregnant” seriously?! I couldn’t believe that was a thought that managed to pass out of that persons mouth.
For century’s, and throughout many cultures, to have a baby is a sign of belonging. In todays age a lot of people choose to wait. Now this topic has a ton of gray area but for the most part I mean 2 ish years to get your marriage on track and suitable living situations in tacked is something I don’t knock. SO when young married women are constantly asked about babies, when they are really trying to focus on what God has for them in life at the moment, it can get a little distracting and aggravating.
Baby subject #3: Pinterest. Oh lovely Pinterest. I really don’t spend time on Pinterest, I often forget I have twitter and Pinterest actually. Sooo I have a family board on Pinterest... aaaaahhhh all those times I get butterflies seeing a cute picture of a mom and baby. I want it so badly to happen in my life one day. I definitely get baby fever on a monthly basis if not bimonthly.:P Guys I dream about raising a family! I love the way I was raised on a farm with so much freedom and life lessons to be learned! I think my mom did a pretty great job of raising me and teaching/showing me what it looks like to be a mom and wife. My grandma and mom are my homemaker goals! They love the Lord. They wake up and have breakfast and are doing devotions when the kids come up. They keep a orderly house but are openly hospitable when called upon whether the floor is clean or not. Like just goals for my life right there. So I would love to carry on their example! But sometimes I have to remind myself that beyond the beautiful Pinterest picture is a child that has to actually be raised. It’s a job! So I really want to remember that there is more to a picture then the put togetherness it portrays.
Jeffrey and I are not pregnant. We are waiting for a little bit to get our marriage on a firm foundation to welcome children into. We would absolutely love to adopt one day Lord willing from somewhere oversees. We actually do swoon when walking through a mall and seeing a beautiful little black girl skipping beside her mommy. Jeffrey teases me often saying he should’ve married someone with more colour so he could have adorable kids like that. We love each other and the time we get to spend together in this season. It legitimately is a real choice for me right now to choose to focus on the here and now and not the future of babies. It doesn’t help when I’m asked about kids all the time but I have to remind myself of how short this time of being a couple will probably be. Lord willing we will have kids in 5 years but for now I am learning to be content in serving the Lord as wife and homemaker and serving alongside my husband in prayer/worship ministry. I am so blessed and real look forward to a beautiful journey ahead!
“Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.”
Philippians 4:11 ESV