If I'm Honest

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​As I was laying on my thin mat bed on the floor of my dear friend's house we were talking about the beauty of Jesus; learning how to see beauty in every circumstance and moment in life. We talked about how grand and glorious the kingdom He is preparing for us will be, and how we just long to have a glimpse of it, yet blessed are those who have faith without sight. Tears were dripping down my cheeks slowly at the thought of the overwhelming beauty that Jesus possesses! Good thing it was dark haha. He is preparing a place for you. He is madly in love with you. The life we call reality isn’t actually reality, but the spiritual world and the life we will live in the presence of the Lord is the reality we have to look forward to as one that is greater than anything here, right now, on earth.
This is gonna be a very honest post. 

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​Going back to the ‘faith without seeing’ topic, that's how I’ve felt my life has been lately. The devil has been very very good at throwing distractions into my life that make my times with the Lord harder to work for, and have also caused my soul to feel like it's been in the same spiritual spot for a long time with no new revelation or any particular unhindered umph for Jesus. As I told my future Dad-in-law it felt like life has handed me a spoonful of bittersweet…. translate that as you will. There has definitely the bitter and the sweet! But they seem to zero each other out, which consequently lands me back on my plateau. As I spoke this to our central plains prayer room group the other night a dear man, who started the prayer room in our community, told me it is “sometimes in the times of life that feel like nothing is happening, that is where the greatest growth is taking place.”. Oh, how I dearly want to believe that. That coming out the other side of this that I will recognize the ways that Jesus grew my heart. 

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​I have seen my eyes were slowly opened to the beauty of simplistic, childlike love of Jesus. Seeing the small details of beauty in this life. Detecting Jesus in the smallest of circumstance. There is a tenderizing of the heart that needs to happen to be able to observe these. Spiritual eyes being opened. A training almost. Most people on the earth build up walls around themselves in an effort to protect their hearts, but the effect of that tends to make one more and more  crusty. Everyone becomes very pedestrian in their view of life and all becomes a thing to complain about. 

​In conclusion to this somber post, it is one hundred percent worth living for Jesus. There will always be ups and downs, but it is in those downs that you see what your heart is made of. How can we ever know that if life is always a party? But, as a dear mentor said once, ‘The party is always where Jesus is and if Jesus is your Lord then that’s where the party is at; in your heart.’. Party or not though, Jesus will never ever leave you alone, so whether it feels like life is smooth and dandy or rough and dry He is always in it with you. I have felt Jesus very close before so I cling to that heart knowledge and pray that I come through worthy in the end. If you don’t quit you win.    

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