I can’t believe it’s been four years. Next year I’ll say I can’t believe it’s been 5 years. Time still continues no matter what. Honestly I wish those haunting, stretching and maturing years hadn’t happened. That I wasn’t a girl without a mother. That my family hasn't had to live with a reality that most don’t have to live with. It’s hard not to feel like everyone wants to be your counsellor or that people are judging your every move wondering how your dad continued to raise you or why you act the way you do. You inevitably mature really fast when you lose a parent, you have to, even with the world telling you not to let the circumstances mature you to fast. In my case I had to become a homemaker. I enjoy it! But I definitely felt weird when I had to think about what my family would eat for supper when all my friends were thinking about their latest basketball game. I felt odd and out of place, to mature for my years yet wishing I wasn’t.
I wonder often how things would be different now if my mom were still here. Dad would be the way he used to be. My sisters and I would have had a longer carefree childhood. Maybe I wouldn’t be getting married yet, who knows! I actually think my life would be a lot less busy. We would be hosting a lot like we used to. I wonder sometimes if mom would’ve let me be a pilot! Although I remember her saying that when us girls were moved out and gone she would make dad get his motorcycle license with her and they would go biking in the summer as much as they could. From that I’m pretty sure that she would approve of my endeavoured.
How sad! I just realized my favourite candle is almost done its life! :( anywho back on track…
So Friday March 23 came and went. I went to work. I left work a little early (10 minutes seriously drags at my job right now, nothing to do) I came home and made supper with my little sister because we were the only ones home till supper time. Then Jeffrey asked if he could come over and the three of us just talked and laughed till into the evening. Nothing happened. We got a few well wishes of people saying they remembered which is so sweet! I don’t expect people to remember anymore… 4 years is already a long time for someone to remember a date that not really associated with their personal life. It’s enough that one person remembers. But nothing happened. Which is okay. I think the fact that the day went by normally and I was happy all day made it better. Nothing happened to test my mood. No one stopped by being overly sympathetic. I didn’t say anything on social media about it, which helps a lot.
I really don’t know how to finish this off.
I’m very grateful that my life has given me the experience it has, but I would gladly do without it if my mom were to still be alive giving me chores and telling me that I couldn’t do things. Be very aware of the blessings that God has placed in your life. (I’m preaching to myself here) everything can change in an instant. Know where you stand with the Lord and be very diligent in your relationship with Him. Life won’t be easy. I am so aware these days that everyone has their own story to tell, their own struggles and victories. We all have a testimony, and they are all worth telling!