After many months of silence I am back!
I missed you!
So since I last posted new and exciting things have happened in life!
I got a new job that I really enjoy, unless its to hot, then I don’t really enjoy it.
I have slowly but surely been getting more and more photography opportunities!
Jeffrey and I hit 1 year of marriage whoop whoop! And we are just falling more and more in love!
We are still babysitting a piano for a person that doesn’t know who we are. So that’s exciting.
I have added three new plants to my growing house plant collection!
We got a kitchen table finally!
We still use a box as our couch end table… one day we may get something else… I may be slightly attached to my blanket covered box though…
So that’s a quick update! 💜
Recently Jeffrey and I were laying in bed and just being silly when I was stopped. I just looked at his face and was overcome with a sense of fear. The same fear I felt when my mom was visibly nearing the end. The fear of loss.
Yeah I stuffed it back deep down where I try to keep it at bay and went back to being goofy with Jeffrey, he hadn’t noticed my moment of silence or the tears that welled up in my eyes.
Fast forward a few weeks to us watching the last episode of Stranger Things (don’t recommend… pretty terrible series) Anyway this girl is reading a letter from her father we watched die. Once again I started openly crying, to my embarrassment, because it wasn’t the movie I was crying about. The movie was an opening to that feeling again. I couldn’t help it!
Fear of losing someone I love… again.
Okay friends come and go in life. People in general come and go in life. I have sort of gotten use to that fact but most people have a support group of people that love and care about them. They stay with you for most of your life.
My mother. The one person that is always supposed to be there for you. She is the one the left this earth.
The thought of me being motherless actually still makes me shudder sometimes. It's a really hard pill to swallow.
Now I have a husband. Someone that committed to loving and caring for me the rest of our days on this earth. I doubt he will go anywhere anytime soon but that fear still creeps up and sits as a lump in my throat some days.
Its almost like a post traumatic stress.
Hope. As real as my fear is so is my hope. My utter dependence on Jesus and my human weakness is very real to me. My pride is becoming very real to me. Heaven is very real to me. Jesus is very real to me. So hope has become very real to me over the years. I would venture to call it my child-like faith.
Jesus says to his disciples in Matthew, Mark and Luke that you need to be like a child to enter the kingdom of heaven. In three books, must have been important! We tend to call it a child-like faith. It takes humility. Some things that Jesus talks about in the bible an adult in their right mind would think is pretty, for lack of a better term, childish!
To believe in a God we can’t see.
To trust and surrender our lives to Him.
How does this connect. Jeffrey and I both have given our lives to Jesus. Even though that is a continuing story of surrender. Thus if I believe in the God that I can’t physically see and what He says, that means Jeffrey and my future’s are secure. Simply put, I don’t have to worry!
It sounds too easy, but in the easiness comes the peace. Have you ever felt completely at rest? Physically, emotionally, mentally? You see if I was completely at peace in God’s control of my life then maybe this fear wouldn’t be a thing? Or maybe this is an attack from the enemy trying to make me insecure in my Christ covered security? Which ever it may be both aren’t the life Jesus gave me by dying for me.
I have a living hope in Jesus that requires me humbling myself and seeking God in these times of fear. Sadness over losing my mom is a legit thing! Fear over losing everyone I love is crippling my relationship of trust in a loving Heavenly Father! It means my focus is earthly and not heavenly. It means that the temporary is more important to me the the eternal!
Lord oh to have an eternal gaze! What freedom of soul there is in living a life of surrender to Jesus and seeing the world through His eyes!
I came across this song recently and was inspired to a write while I listened to it. Grief is something I connect with but also enjoy trying to explain. Grief rips into your very soul, it has almost the same effect as love. I’m no poet, I don’t know any of the rules of writing such beauty. What comes to me is what I write. SO I dive into the memories of grief and take you along on the journey.
The wave as many describe it
The over powering wave
Sometimes you see it
Sometimes you are caught off guard
Crashing around you
Sweeping you unwillingly along
You never asked for the ride
It came and it took over
That wave is grief.
You didn’t ask for it
Sometimes you push against it with futile attempts
To stop the emotions that it drags with it
It can seem like a burden.
It can feel like relief.
Everyone tumbles around in the wave differently
Trying to find a footing
It rips your heart to pieces
Grabbing at normal
Grasping for light
In your blinded turbulent state you fail to see
All along in pain
You were held
It all took place in the palms of two strong hands
He never left
He cried with you
He cried first
You didn’t leave His sight
His heart broke with yours
You didn’t leave His sight
He held you close all along
In the midst of turmoil
You reach for rescue
He carries you on
You trust Him
In your Fathers capable arms
I’m going to do it! I’m going to go there! Babies. Now you will be reading to the end to see if Jeffrey and Regan are having a baby.
A little while ago if you follow me on instagram then you might have seen a story I did about the ‘next question’, “When are you planning on having kids?!”. I can’t even walk through a baby section in our local Walmart without someone I know probably seeing me and thinking I’m baby prepping. Ok so I am raising the plight of the newly wed woman!
Baby subject #uno: When someone asks you when you are planning on having kids sigh, you smile and say within such and such time. I had neeever thought about that being an inappropriate question till my one aunt apologized for asking it. Then the little light bulb went off in my head, not everyone can have kids! I have a few women in my life that desperately wanted kids and never had any biological children. It hurts! It is how a woman is created to want to nurture and raise their own little baby. So in that light it can be a very wrong question to be asking or subject to be joking about. I understand that it is the flow-of-life-topics type of question, but I would strongly advise avoiding asking it because of the aforementioned reason in particular.
Baby subject #two: I, along with many young married women, are teased about being pregnant! I actually can’t believe it. “Why is Regan sitting down?” “Oh she’s pregnant” seriously?! I couldn’t believe that was a thought that managed to pass out of that persons mouth.
For century’s, and throughout many cultures, to have a baby is a sign of belonging. In todays age a lot of people choose to wait. Now this topic has a ton of gray area but for the most part I mean 2 ish years to get your marriage on track and suitable living situations in tacked is something I don’t knock. SO when young married women are constantly asked about babies, when they are really trying to focus on what God has for them in life at the moment, it can get a little distracting and aggravating.
Baby subject #3: Pinterest. Oh lovely Pinterest. I really don’t spend time on Pinterest, I often forget I have twitter and Pinterest actually. Sooo I have a family board on Pinterest... aaaaahhhh all those times I get butterflies seeing a cute picture of a mom and baby. I want it so badly to happen in my life one day. I definitely get baby fever on a monthly basis if not bimonthly.:P Guys I dream about raising a family! I love the way I was raised on a farm with so much freedom and life lessons to be learned! I think my mom did a pretty great job of raising me and teaching/showing me what it looks like to be a mom and wife. My grandma and mom are my homemaker goals! They love the Lord. They wake up and have breakfast and are doing devotions when the kids come up. They keep a orderly house but are openly hospitable when called upon whether the floor is clean or not. Like just goals for my life right there. So I would love to carry on their example! But sometimes I have to remind myself that beyond the beautiful Pinterest picture is a child that has to actually be raised. It’s a job! So I really want to remember that there is more to a picture then the put togetherness it portrays.
Jeffrey and I are not pregnant. We are waiting for a little bit to get our marriage on a firm foundation to welcome children into. We would absolutely love to adopt one day Lord willing from somewhere oversees. We actually do swoon when walking through a mall and seeing a beautiful little black girl skipping beside her mommy. Jeffrey teases me often saying he should’ve married someone with more colour so he could have adorable kids like that. We love each other and the time we get to spend together in this season. It legitimately is a real choice for me right now to choose to focus on the here and now and not the future of babies. It doesn’t help when I’m asked about kids all the time but I have to remind myself of how short this time of being a couple will probably be. Lord willing we will have kids in 5 years but for now I am learning to be content in serving the Lord as wife and homemaker and serving alongside my husband in prayer/worship ministry. I am so blessed and real look forward to a beautiful journey ahead!
“Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.”
Philippians 4:11 ESV
I really don’t enjoy having to think of gift ideas... especially with that one person that has everything and yet gifts is their love language?! You have that too?! Well since I recently went through the whole bridal shower/wedding gifts thing on the receiving end I thought I would put together a list of my favourite gifts plus gifts that I really needed more of. On top of that though I’ll give you links to get those gifts through amazon! (Because who doesn’t love shopping from home!)
1: Tea towels and dish clothes! I got just enough of these... you can never really have to many! So these were much appreciated! During my bridal shower someone gave me a gift and the “wrapping paper” was tea towels! I thought that was ingenious! Heres the link to get them!
2: Knives. Guys I survived 6 months of cooking for my house and hosting at my house with three dinky little paring knives. I’m the type of person who will wait out till birthday or Christmas and put it as a *NEED* on my Christmas list. It worked and we got an amazing knife set for Christmas BUT even if it’s one nice knife it is appreciated! So here is a nice knife that any bride should appreciate!
4: Frying pan. This actually was our only cooking pan that we had when we got back from our honeymoon and it had gotten much use! If you have a frying pan with even a little bit of a side to it it can be used as a sauce pan for small quantities! So very useful!
5: Storage containers. Another thing we didn’t get but every household needs! A set of containers with lids is so helpful for anything leftovers and packed lunches! A must in the home.
6: Candles. This is a bit more frivolous but most people I know love a good candle to relax the atmosphere a bit. Pick one with maybe a slight to none scent. Although I didn’t care to much about household decorations from people I did love the candles I got!
7: Wooden cutting boards. I’m a sucker for wooden cutting boards! My brother in law gave me a personalized engraved one this Christmas and my sister gave me a set last Christmas! I have used every single one of the 6 cutting boards I own so they must be useful! Personally I really just love them for the ascetic.
And last but not least...
8: Water kettle. I love my water kettle! We had picked on for our gift registry and someone got it for us! It’s probably the coolest thing we have in our kitchen! This link is the actually kettle we own and it has been used lots! Plus you will get lots of comments on it when you are making your company some tea or pour over coffee!
I hope you find this useful! Enjoy your easy online shopping spree! I know brides will appreciate anything you get them!
All of the above links are ads for Amazon and are helping support me financially by a commission bases.
Thank you for your support!